Have you had a loss and struggled at the holidays or certain anniversaries or celebrations? Me too. I am finding there is a lot I can do to help hard things go more smoothly. Not perfectly. But smoothly.
I have found that having a plan for us before the approaching date or event, really helps. Making an intentional plan that brings you joy and peace. For example, Cole was supposed to be going to prom on May 9, 2020. May 9, 2020 was also the one year anniversary of Shawn's passing. How should we handle this difficult date on the calendar?
Prom was canceled due to covid and quarantine was in full swing. So, we had senior events canceled, a fresh loss/deathaversary, and quarantine for a Junior, Senior, and 20 year old. What to do? Fortunately, I had help with figuring this out. I didn't know if we should stay home or make plans. How would we each feel? For me, the build up to the one year anniversary of losing my best friend/husband was harder than the actual day. The anticipation was difficult.
We chose to head to Palm Springs with my uncles and parents for some pool and relaxation time. We had our own prom. Cole likes the beach and meat so the prom theme was tropical bbq. Weird I know, but we were making it our own. We did red and white checkered plates along with cheesy tropical decor from the dollar store. We had shish kabobs for our meal and visited famous Palm Springs homes (just a search on our phone to find some) and a sunset drive. Oh, and some arm wrestling.
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| Senior prom activities included arm wrestling |
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| Visiting a famous the gate of a famouse residence |
We were happy and we were together. Yes, missing prom stunk. Dealing with the one year anniversary of Shawn's death was hard. Having teenagers in quarantine with unknowns was not ideal. But, we were able to find happiness. We intentionally chose to be with people who love us and are cheering us on. We chose to make new memories. We had a really great day. We remember Shawn and miss him every day but we make plans to keep living and making memories. We watched a video of pictures of Shawn and talked a bit. Shawn lived a happy life and wants us to be happy too. (That took a bit for me to figure out early on.)
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| A plan and a focus to keep making memories |
Shawn's birthday is on Friday. I'm still working on how we will handle this this year. The boys head back to college on Sat. so we need a send off as we remember Shawn and celebrate how lucky we were to have him. Last year, we bought a new BBQ (Shawn was a BBQ expert) and went to lunch. It wore me out. and I rested afterwards but it was great. We bought meat and worked on improving our BBQ skills.
So, now I need to take my own advice for Friday. When a date or event is coming that could be hard, make a plan for making new memories. I'll keep you posted!