We are behind the times a bit. We are watching Grey's Anatomy. Flip phones, pagers, and all. We just watched Season 3 Episode 11 (from Jan. 2007.) Christina tells George he is now part of the Dead Dads Club. I'm not a member of this club, but my kids are. This scene captured the pain and reality. To say my heart hurts for my kids doesn't include the hurt my head, shoulders, and other muscles feel. We are so lucky we had Shawn and the kids know how great their dad is/was. But it hurts in a way others can't really understand... until you've experienced it... and you don't want that.
I have felt Shawn close. I received two different bunches of white lilies this week. They bloomed throughout the week and have been so beautiful to watch. I get to smell them at work and at home because two different, sweet people showed love. These were some of the wedding flowers we had. Two bunches of white lilies!
So, my kids are in this crummy club. And I'm in the young widows club. Actually, I am in a club called Hot Young Widows to be exact. (It's really a thing- everyone is hot and everyone is young.) The kids handle this crummy burden with grace.
CRISTINA: "There's a club. The Dead Dads Club. And you can't be in it until you're in it. You can try to understand, you can sympathize. But until you feel that loss... My dad died when I was nine. George, I'm really sorry you had to join the club."
GEORGE: "I... I don't know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn't."
CRISTINA: "Yeah, that never really changes."