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| With a family who make brooms for a living. Helping out. |
He is not just serving others and having an adventure... He is thriving. To my surprise, he is embracing this experience. He was a handful of a teenager. I literally sat next to him while he did homework in high school because he would get distracted. (Not my favorite activity after teaching middle school all day.) The great news is that he matured into a thoughtful, selfless, financially literate adult. It was touch a go for a bit, but it has turned out really well.
Our middle son meets me at my car to carry in my work bag when I arrive home. He thoughtfully brings his sister treats when he picks her up from sports.
Our daughter writes us notes and is the best dinner date around. She can battle fiercely in sporting events and come home and make some mean chocolate chip cookies. She's the whole enchilada.
I know a lot of this is just being lucky and not parenting. You can do everything and children get to make their own choices. They are their own person. With that said, since Kindergarten, they have gotten themselves ready, made their own lunches, and gone to bed early. We have had some pretty established routines and it has been a life saver.
How do you raise a well rounded child? It has to be a goal and focus. These are my tips and there will be oh so many bumps but here is what has worked for our family. All families are different so find what works for you. Nothing is a one size fits all.
1. Encourage interests: We opted for traditional public school but spent our energy encouraging our children's interests. I didn't want to be responsible to all of their education. I wanted them to go to school and I could focus on enrichment. We had a great public school nearby and our kids did well so it worked for us. Our boys loved learning about WWII. Great Grandpa Bobby shared stories with them. They had a collection of WWII books, pictures, and Bobby's navy items. When they were in elementary school, we asked the library if we could put together a display in one of their glass cases.
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| Ty and Grandpa Bobby with his WWII hat when Ty was little! |
Our daughter loves animals so we spend days at the Zoo, Safari Park, and Sea World. We visit the same animals over and over. Kiki the fennec fox and the Amur leopards.
Don't push too hard. AP courses really don't matter. Gasp. No one believes it but it is true. I don't let my kids over do it on AP courses. This is something I learned from my mom. She caught heck from other parents for not pushing me more. I want kids who take classes they want. Culinary arts, auto shop, graphic arts. These courses will serve them their whole life. AP courses stress them out and high school is short. Let them be kids. College is stressful. Don't burn them out before college. College is the money maker. Our kids have earned perfect scores on some state tests, they could handle all AP courses but why? They take one or two a semester but it is their choice. I won't approve more than that. I have seen multiple National Merit Scholars burn out and not finish their freshman year of college. They had gotten burnt out in high school.
2. Well established routines: Getting ready and sleep
We had some really crazy mornings when they were little. We had three kids in three and a half years. I don't recommend it. It was not the plan. But it has been wonderful. I got charts from friends and reworked them to work for us. We weren't able to get a really great routine until I got up early and was ready and could help and prompt them through their check off routine. It took a while and it was painful but the pay off has been years of smooth morning routines. It is calm, pretty music is playing. We aren't rushed. We say our prayers. It is calm and we send them into the day without chaos. This is a gift for our children.
3. Turn off screens and read: This is harder now that when our kids were little. This is really, really hard. Now, our kids get to play console games on weekends/holidays only. Phones are off and in our room at night. Not in the kids' bedrooms. Yes, they have snuck them in. Yes, we have had to work to be on top of technology. When they were in middle school, our internet went off at 9, so you had better get your homework done before then. We take old fashioned books with pages with us everywhere. To the dentist, doctor, etc. I used to have a book bag when they were little. No need to plug my kiddos in.
4. Get out in nature: We bought property with six acres to let them run around. Yes, they had their share of poison oak but our doctor would even call in the prescription for us. Trees, frogs, swings, dirt, mud, dogs, and family vacations to state and national parks were regular occurrences. We didn't have much money. We camped. In tents. Then we got a tent trailer and were in style. I am mostly retired from tent camping although I think I may be doing it again a couple of times in the spring. I learned from other families about their favorite trips and copied them. The Grand Canyon, Yosemite, Zion, Bryce, Yellowstone, the Grand Tetons, Sequoia, Yosemite again, Big Sur, and back to Yosemite. I might have a favorite...
5. Fun family time: Make family time a priority. This could be a trip to In & Out, playing Clue, working in the garden, a trip to the beach, getting burritos, mini golf, or watching a comedy. Be fun so your kids will want to be together as a family. This doesn't need to be expensive. Show your children how you can have fun and not spend much money. Sometimes this might be one on one time with a child. Building a close relationship takes time. Put in the time.
6. Strong friend groups: Encourage great friends. Have frozen pizzas in the fridge and let your kids know that good friends are always welcome. Be friends with your kids' friends' parents. Make a teenager area at your home so they can be in that area and not bug you.
7. Faith & Service: Ground your family with a strong faith and moral compass. Prayers together bonds you and strengthens you. Send children out into the world with a prayer for them to have a good day. Pray for their specific needs. Care for others. You can take cookies to the fire fighters, visit a friend in a rehab facility, clear branches after a storm, mow a neighbor's yard. Go together when possible.
8. Unconditional love and clear expectations: When they are stinky, love them. When they didn't study and earned an F, love them. When they act unlovable, love them. I had to learn how to. Sometimes I was mad but I learned I could only change myself. Unconditional love does amazing things. Have clear expectations and clear consequences. It can be hard, but do it.
Nothing is better than seeing your children enjoy being together and seeing them be happy and succeed. It is the icing on the cake of life. What tips do you have for raising a well adjusted/ well rounded child/ teen?